I know he doesn’t love me
I’ll never be his long term plan
I’m not who he wants at the end of the day
I’m not even his type
I’m not anyone’s type
I’m this crazy mess that’s wild and loud and optimistic for everyone else’s worlds except my own
I’m a high anxiety person always in constant control
Except where he is concerned
I’ve let it be this swirling storm of chaos
I don’t try to control anything with him
Which is bad, because I fell in love with him
How could I not, when he sees me
Like he really sees me
But I’m not the one for him
I’ll never be the one he wants
I never am
I’m always the friend, not the one they love
Just because I know it doesn’t make it easier when I have to say goodbye
I’m always lost to time when I’m with him
It’s this refreshing reset
I wish it wasn’t, then maybe it would be easier to walk away
I know for him it’s easy to walk away
I don’t mean anything to him
I mean I do, but not in the way that it matters
I hate myself for loving him with no conditions
It’ll just make me more withdrawn when he leaves
How do you say goodbye to the first breath of fresh air in three years
The first person I could really truly deeply be myself with
All of it, even things Hernando never knew
His eyes hold no judgement
How do I say goodbye to that?