the Life and Times of Growing Up

Imagining impossible scenarios My mind going around and around in circles Hope that started small and grew smaller The longing for connection The single sidedness of the willingness to try I throw everything I have at you Adventure, joy, optimism, love, sunshine Do you sit there unmoved? Can you tell? Is your inaction fear? Or…

I’m suppose to writeOr he says I should writeBut writing won’t change anythingAt the end of the day he’ll join the long list of people who walk awayHe may like me, but he’ll never love meI have to find a way to internalise that and be ok with it

I know he doesn’t love me I’ll never be his long term plan I’m not who he wants at the end of the day I’m not even his type I’m not anyone’s type I’m this crazy mess that’s wild and loud and optimistic for everyone else’s worlds except my own I’m a high anxiety person…

I watch your face When you try something new to gauge your reaction When you eat to see your enjoyment When you sleep to watch you at peace To savour these last finite moments Because this may be all I have to live on for the rest of my life

I knowingly stand on the edge of the abyss ignoring the millions of voices screaming at me in my head, I know the outcome, I’ve always known the outcome, but just because I know it doesn’t make it hurt any less at the end, I willingly accepted the consequences of crossing that threshold, I flung…

All I want is someone who sees me, knows me, understands me, appreciates me, loves me, nothing to complex?

Is this something that’s nothing? Or is it something? Am I hoping for to much? Or am I just a warm body?

What are we doing Before anything happens Everything else has to be sorted and settled This has to be done properly

Pitter patter Stop it my heart You shouldn’t feel this